Ramblings of a Muslimah

Off Days

2011-08-15T13:47:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days where everything feels off? No matter what you do, you just can't seem to find a sense of normalcy. It's not necessarily that everything is going wrong, but more like you can't seem to find anything that's going right. And if there is something going right, you can't find the enthusiasm to enjoy it.

This is probably what a lot of people would call depression. But I think it's just an off day that happens once in a really really long while. And really, all you wish for is that the day would speed up so you can go to sleep and wake up feeling like yourself tomorrow.

Thinking about this today, I realized something major. While I'm over here griping and groaning about my pathetic day, someone else in the world is having it way worse than me. Because at least I still have my normal life to return to after this day passes, but they might not. Maybe they won't even survive to see another day, and who am I to say that I will too?

With this realization, I knew what I needed to do. Take a cold refreshing shower, dress up and go outside. Being inside all day really does wonders for the soul. Note the sarcasm. So tonight, I'm going to meet up with a friend and go visit my fiance and his family and have a little fun. Why wait till tomorrow to feel better when the solution's been waiting to smack me in the face all day?

Ramadan 2011

2011-08-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

So, it's been almost a week since Ramadan started and I have to say it's been great so far Alhamdulillah. This year has been different from the ones before it for many reasons.

1) I am more mature this year. I'd like to think this is true. I've been through a lot in the past year (since last Ramadan to now) that tested my patience, my strength, and my faith in Allah. But I made it through all the hardships, and I'm still standing. This year started off on a very bright note and only continues to improve, even with the one or two boulders that blocked my path from time to time. I take that as a sign that I did okay on all the trials Allah put me through. I feel better equipped to handle anything else that He might throw my way.

2) I've realized between last year and now that I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I couldn't do everything myself. I needed Allah's help. And knowing that now, I also realized that I couldn't expect to get that help without turning to Him and putting my trust in Him completely. I can say from that experience that putting my trust in Allah, a being I couldn't even see, is one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. I still struggle with it sometimes, but it doesn't keep me from believing in Him. After all, "On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear." (Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayah 286) After reading that verse, I realized that my problems weren't the end of the world, and that so many people have made it through far worse conditions than I will probably ever have to experience in my life.

3) I've set realistic goals for myself. When I was about eleven years old, I made a race out of reading the entire Quran in Ramadan. Since then, I've attempted to do the same thing every year but I've never quite been able to summon that child-like enthusiasm from when I was eleven. This year, it's finally hit my ~~slow~~ mind that it's not the quantity that matters, but the quality. Took me long enough to figure that one out. So now, instead of trying to read the whole Book in Arabic, I'm taking my time reading both the Arabic and English so I can understand what I'm reading. I know there's no way I'll finish the entire Quran in this one month, but this way, I'll have the motivation I need to keep reading even after the month is over until I do finish, and even after that.

4) I made a list of all the little things I can do this month that can help me gain some blessings like praying my extra salaah, doing extra dhikr, making Dua whenever I can. I recommend making Dua right before the adhaan for Maghrib. The Prophet Muhammah (sas) has said that the dua of a fasting person at the time of Iftar is not rejected. Inshallah.

5) I want to share what I learn. I've already started to bug people with information I come across that's new to me. If they can put that into practice in their own lives, that I can also get rewards for it Inshallah.

There's so many more ways we can all make the most of our Ramadan. Every reward is multiplied by 70 in this sacred month, so what more can we ask for?

A Walking Contradiction

2011-08-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

We've all seen the funny Starburst commercials saying, "Starburst. It's a Juicy Contradiction." That's me. Not ~~Juicy~~, but definitely a walking contradiction in many ways.

Way#1: I'm obviously a Hijabi, but I'm usually not walking down the street wearing a floor-length black gown. I have no problem with floor-length black gowns (in fact, they're wonderfully light and airy, and I own at least 2 of them), but I love my colors. A lot of people are surprised that I am even allowed to wear anything that isn't black. I also tend to smile easily (and too much sometimes, I think), which totally defeats the image of a sullen depressed Muslim woman that so many Americans have. Like I said, Contradiction.

Way #2: I'm Guyanese. Unless you live in a neighborhood full of Guyanese people or have one for a friend, you probably won't understand why I'm inconsistent with the norm. Chances are, if you live in the aforementioned neighborhood or have the aforementioned friend, you know that Guyanese people are loud and generally party-crazy. I'm neither. I can't tell you how many times people have asked me, "Wait, you're Guyanese? I thought you were Muslim." I can be both, you know. Muslim isn't a nationality; it's a religious identity.

Way#3: I go out and have fun with friends and family. Yep, I actually am allowed to do that. The only difference is that you won't find me in places like clubs and bars, and probably not super-late. That's because of the rules I set for myself based on the knowledge provided by my religion.

So yeah, I do watch my behavior and dress and the way I carry myself all the time. But I'm a Muslimah, and Islam is more than just a school of thought. It's a way of life for me and all the other 1.2-1.5 billion Muslims on the planet. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess I like being a walking contradiction =)